Sex is a wonderful enjoyment. As the pace of modern life accelerates, many couples feel exhausted physically and mentally. Even young couples begin to feel that they have no "sexual interest" as soon as they get married. For quite a few families, sex has unknowingly become "fast food": it's not about the enjoyment process, it's about the actual results. Psychotherapist Huang Jialiang believes that many people are making excuses for their own or their loved ones' loss of sexual desire: work pressure, trivial life matters... People would rather blame external factors than admit their inner lack of sexual interest in their partners.

Phenomena: Why does sexual desire decrease after marriage?

The sex life of a couple is important, but in fact, there are very few couples who truly have a satisfying and wonderful sex life. "We are all too busy!" "I have to worry about my children's homework, so why should I think about that?"... People seem to be able to find one or another reason for the disharmony in their sexual life. "It is an excuse to attribute disharmony in sexual life to decreased sexual desire or decline in sexual desire." Huang Jialiang said bluntly: "The lack of sexual interest in couples is directional. The husband does not want to have sex with his wife because the wife's sexual attraction to her husband is declining. It has nothing to do with other external factors.”

Huang Jialiang analyzed that weak sexual pleasure, low sexual frequency, short sexual intercourse time, and low sexual desire are all symptoms of "reduced sexual desire" that is often said between couples. "Excessive work pressure with no way to relieve it, irregular life schedule, etc., are all external causes of 'lower sexual desire'. But in fact, the most common and critical factor is a decrease in sexual interest in sexual partners."

Sexual interest is an element of sexual attraction between partners. Why does sexual interest in a partner decrease? He analyzed that, on a large scale, it is mainly due to changes in the other party's body shape, sexual punishment, lack of sexual response, decreased acceptance of body odor, and body reactions after illness. "Among married couples, the husband or wife's 'raunchiness' after marriage is a common factor that causes the partner to be 'boring'."

"People who talk about their sexual desire decline usually mean that they have no desire for their normal sexual objects." Huang Jialiang said that the shelf life of love in marriage is actually very short, "Only 3 years, or even 3 months, or even It’s 3 days.” He pointed out that it is precisely because of the decline in sexual interest in partners and physiological requirements that people will look for new sexual excitement points. “Usually they seek comfort in daily work, social interaction, and even worse. Even choose 'cheating'."

Tips: Improve "sexual interest" without "indulging lust"

In life, there are also many couples who strive for "sexual interest": watching porn together, wearing sexy underwear, buying sex toys... But Huang Jialiang does not agree with this. "When regular sexual behavior cannot satisfy the inner sexual desire, people will look for new exciting hot spots. But on the contrary, learning through porn or pictures will only weaken the sexual harmony of sexual partners."

He said that such "pure imitation" will only lead to worse situations: "The more you watch pornographic films, the less likely you are to be intimate with your partner. When the result of imitation is not as good as what you expected after watching pornographic films, it is A huge frustration. This is why some husbands would rather watch porn and masturbate than be intimate with their wives."

Since you want to have a healthy sexual state, you need to constantly look for new sexual stimulation points, so someone asked: If you keep changing your sexual objects (such as cheating) or constantly "seeking new ideas" in sexual behavior, will you be able to continue to have sex? Maintain a healthy sexual psychology? Huang Jialiang denied this without hesitation: "If a person allows himself to 'indulge' in sexual desire, over time, this person will really have a reduced sexual desire and have no sexual interest in any sexual object."

As for how to maintain a healthy sexual state and psychology between husband and wife, Huang Jialiang advises: "First of all, a stable sexual object is necessary. That is, both husband and wife must remain loyal to each other, which also requires the husband or wife to pay attention to their personal image, Words and deeds should not change too much before and after marriage. In addition, couples should have sexual communication with each other during sex, and be able to share their personal feelings during sex afterwards, and be able to discover and praise each other's sexy beauty in life. "