Stereotyped sexual concepts: Sex is no longer a taboo

It is not impossible to say that, think about it, for thousands of years, women have been taught that they should not be interested in "sex" and should not enjoy sex. For a long time, a woman who was loyal to her own desires was not tolerated in society; of course, the face of sexual life is now very different. Less than half a century ago, premarital sex was still an unspeakable taboo, but now However, young women can freely share their erotic history on Twitter or Facebook; in this era, we freely purchase sex toys, condoms or sexy underwear, and freely discuss sex on the table. The form is indeed very "evolved" , but what about the essence?

Perhaps you will find that "sexual topics" in a broad sense are indeed no longer a taboo, but if you return to private space, most women will still have problems when admitting and dealing with "their sexual desire" Hit an obstacle. Esther Parell, a psychotherapist and gender writer, said: "It seems like there are two parallel things. Culturally, sex is open, but sex between partners is quiet - we talk about sex everywhere, talk about it. Special discussion, but silence in the most appropriate place - our room"

Sex, men and women, and lies

According to an article in "New Scientist" magazine. According to the survey, men are more honest about the number of past sexual partners, while women are more likely to lie about it. Sam Roddick, the person in charge of Coco de Mer, a well-known top sex shop in London (she is the daughter of Body Shop founder Anita Roddick!) also said: "In fact, I have never been able to discuss the details of bed techniques with my friends - ─Think about it, I’m still the owner of a sex toy store!” Does this imply that there is still a transparent constraint in women’s hearts that prevents us from being completely honest?

Stereotype 1: “Men are visual animals, but women are not”

Interestingly, when the experimenters verbally asked the female subjects "How do you feel about this video?", perhaps because they were ashamed to admit it, or perhaps because they themselves were completely unconscious, the answers were often less than the actual physical reaction. It was more conservative, but the measuring instrument faithfully recorded various physiological fluctuations.

So, what does this kind of inconsistency mean? Of course it's not "when a woman says No, it means Yes". This is actually the latest topic and research field of sexology researchers - putting aside the concept that men are more "sexually active" than women, is it possible that women's sexuality is not originally related to Men are equally strong and primitive, but the dualistic view of "men love for sex and women have sex for love" is itself a lie?

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Stereotypes of sex: sex It’s no longer a taboo

Stereotype 2: “Women are complicated and men are simple”

Even if you decide to take the initiative to take control of your own desires and sex life, you may find that things are not necessarily that easy. . "How could it be?" You may be wondering, "Nowadays many women can enjoy a free sex life without being criticized or morally criticized!" Indeed, the difficulty we are talking about does not lie in the outside world, but in the external world. women themselves. "Even a very independent, very intellectual, and highly educated woman may be very confused about her sexual desire," Esther Parell pointed out: "Until today, most of women's roles in intimate behaviors are still passive and controlled, and There is a meticulous system and ideology behind this: for example, you should not actively release your desires, but should become the object of men’s desires, etc. ”

Another female pornographic film director believes that women’s sexual instincts are actually the same as men’s: “I think women’s original interest in sex is actually much higher than what society allows them to do, but in fact, women It is possible to have sex just like men, and women are just as visual creatures as men - look at fashion and beauty, what is the driving force behind these industries? It is nothing more than sexual attraction! ”

Of course, there are still differences between men and women, but it is not the cliché of "women's desires are delicate and complex" and "men's desires are straightforward and simple". Such stereotypes will only make both men and women feel Unfair or even unsatisfactory; many scholars and gender activists believe that the most important issue now is no longer sexual liberation, but women’s confidence in “sex”. In other words, there is no need for the media or others to Tell you "what counts as normal"; your sex doesn't have to be like a pure love movie, nor does it have to be like a pornographic movie - you are who you are. The huge success of the movie "Twilight" may be used as a footnote: it does not directly explore sex, but it depicts a primitive desire in women's hearts.

Doubt a little more doubt

"Sex is not just sex," Esther Parell believes: "It is inseparable from freedom and fulfillment, and for women, it must be added Self-esteem and self-acceptance, so the quality of women’s sex life often gets better and better with experience and time, but if you are always passive and don’t try to explore, you can’t have a real experience.”

So, how do you discover your true desires? ──People often know what they “don’t want”, but they have no idea what they “want”─but there is no standard answer. Perhaps the only way is to doubt, and a little more doubt: to question one’s long-held beliefs. Know, question what others tell you, question various mainstream concepts, and even question your own experience, and then tell yourself that you only have one life, and a worthwhile adventure starts now.